If I Could Cry
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: With Jade in a hospital bed near death Beck reflects on his love for her.  Happy ending.  Lots of twists and turns


Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or the song If I Could Cry by Paul Byrom

* * *

><p><em><span>And when she wakes I know she will smile again<span>_

Jade lay in a coma. The doctors didn't know what caused it but they said if she didn't wake up within seventy-two hours she wouldn't wake up at all. Beck was beside himself. He didn't understand how any of this could happen.

_And laugh a little_

"Jade"  
>He took her hand praying like he had never prayed before. All those moments that never passed between them... the 15 minutes they were arguing were 15 minutes he didn't get to spend loving her. The six minutes he spent getting mad at her was six minutes that took away from their time together.<p>

_Talk awhile again_

Tori came into the hospital room.

"Beck," she asked him, "You okay?"  
>He shook his head.<p>

"No Tori," he said softly, "I am not okay. I have gone through tough times before but never anything like this. This is probably the worst thing anyone could ever go through"

_Forget her heart so broken_

"I know how you're feeling," Tori said

"Do you? No you don't. I'm terrified. Jade's life hangs in the balance. I want her back. Tori if Jade dies I have no life. My life is Jade. She's my very heart and soul. She's the air I breathe."

_Say the words unspoken_

"She's not going to die," Tori said, "She's a strong woman. Jade is going to survive. She can't die. She's too stubborn to die."

Beck smiled wryly.

"Do they know what caused it?"

"Not yet. They think it may have something to do with her fat cells"

_And so gently lift her eyes to me_

**_Hey I am not fat, _**Jade thought to herself and tried to yell

"Her what?"

"It's possible that a piece of fat broke off and traveled to her blood or something or other. I don't even know. All I know is this was festering for 2 weeks and their were no symptoms"

_Lie down here beside of me_

"Two weeks ago... wasn't that when you got mad at her?"

"Yes," he said tears rolling down his face, "Thank you for reminding me about that because I didn't feel terrible enough about it."

**_Beck don't do this to yourself_**

****"She was a little achy and a little upset but I figured it was just stress and shrugged it off"

_If I could try to cry the same tears for her_

"I wish I could cry all the tears that she cried in her place. I wish I could have gone through that instead of her going through that. I wish I had taken it more seriously and not as a joke. I wish I hadn't acted the way I did... and had taken the time to listen to her and-"

_If I chose to die_

"What happened between the two of you anyway? What happened with you?"

"I was suffering from PLUB disease"

"PLUB?"

"Poor Little Unfortunate Beck. I was so angry because I'd gone through a tough time that I didn't know how to handle the anger anymore."

_And I still adored her_

"Is that why you got mad all the time?"  
>Beck nodded.<p>

"It wasn't just you and Jade I got mad at. I got mad at Cat too."

"Why," Tori asked

"I don't even know. That's how pathetic I was at the time and now as consequence I'm going to lose-"

**_Stop it Beck, _**Jade thought to herself, **_I'm not going to die_**

_I'd die time and time again_

"I can't say that I think it's okay how you've been acting," Tori said, "But I can kind of understand. You felt like there was no other way of expressing yourself"

"Exactly. I could lose Jade now because I had gotten mad at her"

"No you can't," Tori said, "Like I told you Jade is too stubborn to die"

_To take away her pain_

**_Listen to Vega, _**Jade said, **_I can't believe I'm saying that._**

****"What are you thinking about," Tori asked gently.

"I'm thinking about those 5 minutes the other day. I could have been with her"

"If I recall you did sit with her... next to her for that matter"

"Yeah but it was different... I was different."

_I'd gladly die to dry her eyes if I could cry_

"She said after that I never take her ideas seriously and the things she says I treat like it's a joke"

"Is that true?"

"In a way," he admitted, "But she's so dramatic. She has these fits and I don't always know how to deal with it"

"I don't know. You seem to deal with it well"

"I just want her to be okay," Beck said, "and I want to go back and fix the mistakes I made"

_And when she wakes I'll know who I am again_

**_I can't believe you're upset about this. It's not a big deal._**

****"It's not a big deal," Tori said, "It's just an argument. Couples argue"

"But she ended up in a coma," Beck replied

"That's not really your problem," Tori said, "It's hers"

"Tori," Beck said, "Please leave"

"Why?"

"Because I'm angry with you for what you just said"

_I'll be complete not a broken man again_

"Why do you always take Jade's side," Tori asked

"I don't always take Jade's side," Beck said, "And this isn't a matter of sides. If you don't leave right now I'm afraid I might say or do something I will later regret. Please leave now"

"I'm sorry," Tori said, "I didn't mean it as it sounded"

_I'll take her hand so lightly lead her gently brightly_

Beck saw Jade's eyelids flutter open

"Oh my GOD," he cried gratefully

**_Well that's original if nothing else_**

****"You're okay"  
>She squeezed his hand.<br>Beck pressed the call button on Jade's bed and a Dr. came in.

"She's awake," he said

"Yes Mr. Oliver," the doctor said, "I can see that"  
>He checked her out and removed her breathing tube<p>

_To a rainy day that once was far I'll kiss her till her eyes are dry_

"Beck," Jade said, "Vega was right about one thing if nothing else. She's rarely right so... but she's right that you shouldn't blame yourself for my condition."

"But you were in a coma," Beck said

"And now I'm not," Jade contended, "Now I'm alright. The important thing is that I'm okay."

_In time again she'll be mine again_

"Also," she added, "The PLUB syndrome has got to go"

"It's gone," he told her

"Good," she said

((Flashback))

_"Jade come on. Don't be like this"_

"Like what Beck. You're always taking Vega's side"

"I didn't want you fighting with her"

"It takes two to fight you know. Why didn't you say that to her"

_If I could try to cry the same tears for her_

_"That's a good question," Beck said_

"Try telling me the answer," Jade replied, "Instead of stalling"

"Jade the answer is simple. I didn't say it to her because I don't love her. I don't see in her what I see in you. It's that simple."

_Then I would not hide. I'd cry my tears before her_

_"Couldn't you have like... oh I don't know- kissed me in order to get me to shut up"_

"Gladly," he said kissing her  
>They forgot what the argument was about<p>

((End of Flashback))

"So do they even know what's wrong with me," Beck asked.

_To take away her pain I'd cry time and time again_

"Yes. Your boyfriend is an idiot," Beck explained  
>She reached out and slapped him lightly<p>

"Hey what was that for?"

"That was for putting yourself down. Don't do it again"

"I'm not putting myself down," Beck said, "I just was an idiot"

_I'd gladly hide my broken pride  
><em>

"It was caused by the time that I..."

"Beck," Jade said, "You didn't know it would cause problems"

"No but I did know that acting the way I did was wrong"

"Yes it was. But that doesn't make you an idiot. It means you've done some dumb things."

_So I wait for the day when the pain goes away and she opens her eyes to see me_

"How can you forgive me," Beck asked  
>Jade rolled her eyes.<p>

"What, you think I'm going to mess up the best thing I ever had just cause we had a fight? Beck I have news for you. We've had plenty of fights and there will be times that I'm in those shoes again and there will be times you're in those shoes. It's okay. I love you and fights happen"

_When she wakes I'll be there- hold her hand stroke her hair. With her eyes she will smile and free me  
><em>

"But the other day I-"

"You let yourself cool off before you exploded," Jade said, "Next time it might be better if you took a walk or something instead of saying what you said but still you slowed yourself down. I was really proud of you"

_And I know we'll see that day. And I know we'll find a way. Bring our dreams back to life_

"Now what was it you said," he asked smiling

"I said-"

"No... 10 days ago"

"Beck I don't even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday. How the hell am I supposed to remember what I said 10 days ago"

"You said something about kissing you?"

_On a day without pain if it came then I could cry_

Jade nodded and looked at him with a grin.

"Want to test that theory"  
>He leaned forward to kiss her.<p>

"Did it work," she asked.

"I dunno," he said, "I'll have to test it again"

"Ready willing and able," she told him allowing him to kiss her again.


End file.
